CHANCES:

That if you order the delicacy of blowfish in Japan the poison in the fish will kill you – 9%

That anyone around the table is going to ask for a taste – 2%

That, if you die, the waiter will still come by to ask “Is everything OK?” – 40 %

That you’d leave a 20% tip when there is a poisoning death at the table – 7%

That you’ll leave something, but 15% or less – 80%

CHANCES:

That it will rain or snow if the forecast for precipitation is:

20% - 5%

30% - 90%

50% - 50%

80% - 100%

100% - 50%

CHANCES:

That you’ll go bald – 69% (guys only)

That you’ll do something desperate like a comb-over or implants or join a hair club to pretend you’ve still got hair – 74%

That women will tell you that you’re just as attractive without hair or that they find bald men sexy – 19%

That those women are lying – 99.7%

CHANCES:

That if you are below the age of 23 you will use the word “like” in every sentence you utter - 93%

That you will use it 5 times or more per sentence – 26%

That your parents are able to control themselves and not slap you when they hear you talk – 50%

CHANCES:

That there is someone on the ab machine you wanted to use – 44%

That they are still on it after you’ve gone through two more machines – 42%

That someone else jumps on it while you are on a third machine – 87%

That finally, after you’ve done all the other machines and started to walk out the door, it frees up, but you are too tired to go back - 93%

CHANCES:

That you’ll get there on time – 52%,

At the rate you’re going? – 32%

CHANCES:

That you’ll be able to burn off as many calories, the day after Thanksgiving as you consumed on Thanksgiving – 1%

That you’ll try – 30%

That while trying you’ll injure yourself – 53%

That this will lead to weeks of inactivity and weight gain that won’t come off until a few weeks after death – 44%

That knowledge of that likelihood will stop you from overeating on Thanksgiving - .02%

CHANCES:

That you put the turkey in the fridge to defrost in time – 39%

That instead, you’ll be putting the Turkey in the bathtub Wed. night – 46%

That after the bath it will need a blow dry – 27%

CHANCES:

That after setting the alarm and locking the house, you’ll have to go back in for something you forgot:
(Number of times per attempt to leave)
0 – 4%
1 – 67%
2 – 24%
3 – 2.%
That after 3 returns, you just say f**k it and stay home – 88%

CHANCES:

That they won’t be any more specific than “between 8 and 5” for your appliance repairman – 93%

That he gets to your house at 4:48  - 56%

That he maybe could have called at some point during the day to at least let you know it would be closer to the end of the day so you could have gotten out of the house for an hour – 2%

That when he gets there he doesn’t have your part – 58%

CHANCES:

That you screwed up:

Somehow – 53%

Somewhere – 40%

Somewhat – 9%

CHANCES:

That there will be a slow moving line and only two cashiers working at the 24 hr. Wal-Mart's checkout (by time):
8:00 AM - 100%
2:00 PM - 100%
11:00 PM - 100%
3:30 AM - 99.8%
Any other time - 100%

CHANCES:

That you’ll have a song stuck in your head all day – 14%

That it will be a good song – 3%

That you’ll still like at the end of the day - .009%

CHANCES:

That you left your headlights on – 8%

That someone will tell you that you left them on – 83%

That they turn off automatically – 65%

That you’ll sound like a jerk telling the person, who was only trying to help, that they turn off automatically – 96%

CHANCES:

That your candidate won yesterday – 48%
That any old schmuck would do better than whoever won – 52%
That any old schmuck won – 91%

CHANCES:

That you’ll find exactly the right word when you need it – 12%

That finding the exact right word will prove….damn…what’s the word? – 88%

CHANCES:

That you sprang forward instead of falling back – 1%

That you remembered to change your car clock too – 79%

That you almost had a heart attack on the way to work when you looked at your unchanged car clock – 12%

That even springing forward you were an hour late – 8%

CHANCES:

That the windshield wipers will streak after just one scrape over a frosted windshield – 47%

That if there is just one spot that streaks it will be right in your line of vision – 86%

CHANCES:

That you will misplace your cellphone – 86%

That you will be able to find it somewhere in the house when you call it – 61%

That when you call it someone walking down the street will wonder why the pile of leaves they are walking past is ringing – 35%

CHANCES:

That the neighbor or teacher you thought was 90 when you were a kid is still alive 40 years later – 63%

That she still isn’t 90 – 88%

That you look just as bad as a 45 year old as she did back then – 50%

That kids aren’t good judges of age – 99.8%

CHANCES:

That the dry cleaner will tell you that the stain will come out – 64%

That the stain will come out – 6%

That it will 98% come out – 70%

That the vague shadow of the remaining 2% will keep you from ever wearing it – 93%