CHANCES:


That leaving for the airport 2 ½ hours before your flight will get you to your gate at the airport:

With 2 hours to spare – 50%
Too late – 50%

CHANCES:

That if you have groceries in your right hand your car keys will be in your right side pocket -54%

That both will be on your left side – 45%

That your car keys will be in the pocket on the side of your free hand – 1%

That rather than shift the bags,  you’ll look like a spastic geek as you try to unsuccessfully get into your pants pocket reaching across with the opposite hand – 88%

That you will be successful with this maneuver – 2%

That you will try the same maneuver next time – 50%

CHANCES:

That you’ll never learn, will you? - 40%

That you will learn, but by then it won’t matter – 60%

CHANCES:

That you put your pants on one leg at a time – 99.9993%

That you’re in Cirque de Soleil - .0007%

CHANCES:
That you’ll listen to your gut – 55%

That you’ll listen to your heart – 26%

That you’ll listen to anyone who points out that listening to different body parts is a sure sign that you’re going nuts and you should seek professional help – 8%

CHANCES:
That you get to take off from work on your birthday - 29%

That this post is me taking off - 88%

CHANCES:

That you’ll jump out of bed in the morning ready to start the day – 7%

That you’ll jump out of bed in the morning with a calf cramp – 74%

CHANCES:
That a letter will get there – 99.8%

That an e-mail will get there – 99.8%

That the .02% chance of it not getting there is a large enough probability for you to blame it on a delivery failure when you forgot to send something – 92%

CHANCES:

That if you had a hammer, you’d hammer in the morning – 50%

That you’d hammer in the evening – 50%

That you’d hammer all over this land - .001%

Without getting arrested - .00000001%

CHANCES:

That the contractor will show up when they say – 38%
That they’ll do the job right the first time – 28%
That the job will cost what they said initially - .2%
That the job will be done in less than twice the time they initially said – 40%
That the level of frustration of dealing with all this is going to reach a point where you scream – 96%
That it will be a family member that you scream at instead of the contractor – 84%
That the project leads to therapy sessions – 39%
That it leads to divorce – 38%
That in the divorce settlement you end up living in a new house – 50%
That that house needs some renovation – 92%
That you’ll hire the same contractor – 77%
That if you do hire someone else he’ll be worse – 50%

CHANCES:

That you have a nagging suspicion those nutritional supplements you’re taking aren’t doing anything for you – 72%
That they aren’t – 70%
That you’ll still recommend them to other people and tell them how much of a difference they make - 81%

CHANCES:

That you stand facing the shower head when taking a shower – 50%

That you stand with your back to the shower head – 50%

That you can't understand how so many people are facing the wrong direction - 99%

CHANCES:

That your leg will fall asleep -19%

That if it does it’s because your leg had been up all night partying when it should have been sleeping – 34%

CHANCES:

That you’ll spend 45 seconds waving your hands in front of the motion detector on an automatic paper towel dispenser in a public restroom – 61%

That you’ll end up on the air dryer – 60%

That it will shut off before your hands are actually dry – 70%

That you’ll wipe them on your pants – 91%

CHANCES:

That you’ll have a bizarre dream on any given night – 19%

That you’ll remember the bizarre dream in the morning – 6%

That you’ll try to explain it to someone – 3%

That you’ll sound ridiculous or bore the other person when you try to tell it – 98%

That the other 2% will act interested because they are your therapist – 100%

CHANCES:

That you’ll have a flat tire – 12%

That it won’t be repairable – 74%

That in deciding on a new tire you’ll make the right decision between the tire with the squiggly pattern and the one with the geometric pattern – 50%

That you’ll just say, “Give me a black one” – 82%

That if you don’t get the road hazard protection you’ll get another flat within a year – 46%

That if you do get the road hazard protection you’ll never use it – 88%

CHANCES:

That you've had an affair with Herman Cain - 46%

CHANCES:

That you can get the job done in:

One fell swoop – 2%

Two fell swoops – 4%

A bunch of fell swoops – 18%

Just a few swoops if they aren’t the fell kind – 76%