CHANCES:

That I’m getting any better in the sports I play – 15%

That if I continue to improve at this rate, I will be really good when I’m 130 – 17%

CHANCES:

That you liked your NFL team’s pick in the draft – 50%

That Roger Goodell liked your team’s pick so much he gave him a big hug – 100%

That Roger Goodell will hug the 2^nd and 3^rd round guys too – 5%

That he hugs NFL players when he suspends them – 1%

CHANCES:

That you can turn the pages of the Sunday Times Magazine without them sticking together – 8%

That licking a finger will get stuck pages apart – 14%

That licking a finger on each hand and then moving the pages in opposite directions will get them apart – 29%

That directly licking the pages will get them apart – 38%

That you’ll want to read the magazine with all that slobber all over it – 1%

CHANCES:

That there will be a parking space close to where you are going – 21%

That you will spend more time driving around looking for a space than it would have taken you to walk from the farthest space there is - 46%

That there will be one car taking up two spaces – 93%

That that car will be an SUV or larger vehicle – 77%

CHANCES:

That I’ll find a dead mouse with a trap I set – 62%

That the mouse will eat the peanut butter and manage to not set off the trap – 31%

That the mouse will only get his foot caught and I’ll find him alive but stuck – 8%

That I won’t know what to do with him and toss him in the back yard – 81%

That he’ll start a rehabilitated life in my backyard with a trap attached to his foot – 3%

CHANCES:

That the sudden irritation on your arm is a bug crawling on you – 39%

That it’s a loose hair – 12%

That it’s just an itch – 49%

That by the time you realize what it is you will be more concerned with the self-inflicted injury from whacking at it – 86%

CHANCES:

That someone else is taking care of it - 0%

CHANCES:

That the noises your printer is making are normal – 77%

That there is a macaw stuck in your printer – 11%

That a WWII munitions factory made less noise – 83%

That you can’t even hear your printer because the dishwasher is running – 91%

CHANCES:

That you’ve got at least three gift cards lying around that you aren’t sure if they have any value or not – 74%

That they have less than $2 left on them – 88%

That you’ll find that out when you buy $12 worth of stuff you don’t really need – 61%

CHANCES:

That you’ll sit in the doctor’s waiting room for:

10 minutes –10%

20 minutes – 20%

30 minutes - 40%

That if you didn’t wait 30 minutes in the waiting room, you’ll wait the difference in the exam room – 42%

That the doctor will spend so little time with you, you’ll wonder why he’s ever late – 53%

CHANCES:

That the prophet Elijah will come to your Passover Seder tonight - .00003%

That the prophet Elijah Mohammed will come to your Passover Seder tonight - .00001%

That if Elijah Mohammed comes he’ll drink the wine – 0%

CHANCES:

That your kids will listen to you when you offer advice - .5%


That they’ll listen to you when they ask for advice – 1.5%

CHANCES:

That you’ll be reincarnated as:

A human – 17%

An animal – 9%

An insect – 3%

A plant – 2%

A zombie – 1%

A volleyball – 10%