CHANCES:

That your numbers will win the largest jackpot ever - .0000000001%

That if you do win, so many other people will be enticed to play and have the same winning numbers, that the value of the split jackpot will be $8/person – 99.91%

CHANCES:

That you forgot to pick up one key ingredient when you did your grocery shopping – 40%


That you realize it before you start cooking - .0001%


That it’s an essential ingredient – 98%


That the neighbor has it in his/her cupboard – 14%

That when you go back to the store to get it they are out of it – 9%

That you realize when you get back home that you had a coupon for it – 11%

That the coupon was expired – 68%

That all your coupons except the one for $1 off five cans of cat food have expired – 30%

That your cat has expired - .07%

CHANCES:

That the temperature in your hotel room is:


Too hot – 49%


Too cold – 48%


Comfortable – 3%


That on any stay over 3 nights you will finally have it properly adjusted the night before you 
leave – 88%

CHANCES:

That you’ll have one of the following named after you one day:


A stretch of highway – .8%


A disease – 6%


A building – 1%

A child – 29%

A sandwich – 4%

A Supreme Court case – 16%

Star – 41%

CHANCES:

That those bumps are just a rash caused by a reaction to the new laundry detergent – 6%

That those bumps were caused by a bedbug - 8%

That those bumps were caused by a nastier, poisonous bug and your rash is likely to spread over your whole body before it kills you – 16%

That you’ll still have mystifying bumps after fumigating the whole house and seeking medical treatment – 61%

CHANCES:

That you should beware the Ides of March – 1/365

That you should beware all the other days of the year – 364/365

CHANCES:

That the weather is an indication of Global Warming – 80%


That it’s not the Global Warming it’s the global humidifying – 20%

CHANCES:

That you’ll have a Band-Aid that is the right size and shape for your cut – 28%


That it will have Elmo on it – 73%

CHANCES:

That with the time change you’re a little groggy today – 65%


That you appreciate the extra daylight in the evening – 71%


That the cows need milking and the damn rooster crows with the sun so what the hell difference does it make what time it says on a clock – 11%


That you live in Arizona and don’t know what time change I’m talking about – 4%

CHANCES:

That your trouble is caused by something you:


Said – 49%


Did – 49%


Ate – 2%

CHANCES:

That you’ll put the q-tip in your ear – 24%


Even when your mother and doctor told you not to – 24%


That you didn’t hear them – 24%


Because you had a q-tip in your ear – 24%

CHANCES:

That you’ll get March Madness – 65%


That you’ll get it in October – 3%

CHANCES:

That you’re a pessimist – 50%


That you think the odds are worse than that – 50%


That by worse you meant larger than 50% - 50%


That if you said you thought they were worse and you did mean larger that you are a pessimist – 99%

That you’re an optimist – 50%

That you’re an optometrist - .05%

That you know the difference between the two – 64%

CHANCES:

That you can get some followers by predicting the end of the world – 23%


That the closer the prediction the more followers you’ll get – 73%


That if you predict it will happen in a couple of trillion years you’ve got a better chance of being right – 94%


That there’s any benefit to actually being right – 0%

CHANCES:

That you can get some followers by predicting the end of the world – 23%
That the closer the prediction the more followers you’ll get – 73%
That if you predict it will happen in a couple of trillion years you’ve got a better chance of being right – 94%
That there’s any benefit to actually being right – 0%

CHANCES:

That you can’t go home again – 78%

That if you do get to go home again, they will have changed the locks and you can’t get in – 99%

CHANCES:

That when you go through the automatic car wash you’ll:

Leave your back window open – 6%

Break off an antenna - 8%

Break off a mirror – 3%

Break a wiper – 12%

Doubt that their actually spraying on protectant even though you got the upgrade – 89%

CHANCES:

That you’ll have singles to tip the valet – 29%

That you’ll find someone to break a $20 – 16%

That the best anyone could do is two $10s so you way over tip – 39%

That the valet had parked your car right across the street, so you just walked to it anyway, but still gave him a $10 tip – 41%

CHANCES:
That your shampoo claims it will help with your hair volume – 61%

That people are having trouble hearing your hair – 96%