CHANCES:

That your kids appreciate you – 12%

That they’ll appreciate you when they have their own kids – 74%

That, when you’re honest about it, you admit that you’re just winging it when it comes to parenting  – 97%

That it had ever dawned on you that your parents had no idea what they were doing either – 9%

That that’s what you’re counting on with your kids too – 96%

CHANCES:

That your cellphone conversation will be dropped in the middle of it – 7%

That they call back – 25%

That you call back – 25%

That you both call back at the same time and each get the voicemail – 25%

That neither of you call back and you never finish the conversation - 25%

That you’re both happiest at that outcome – 77%

CHANCES:

That your grass is completely brown – 41%

That your grass is brown except for one green patch 3 foot square – 86%

That that one green patch is overgrown requiring you to still go out and mow the lawn – 91%

That you are proud of your green patch – 97%

CHANCES:

That you’ll never learn, will you? 40%

That you will learn, but by then it won’t matter – 60%

CHANCES:

That just like in the movies you’ll beat the train across the railroad tracks – 0%

That just like in the movies you’ll be able to jump from the top of one building to the top of another – 0%

That just like in the movies you can hang on to a window ledge by your fingertips for more than 20 seconds – 0%

That just like in the movies you can jump and roll from a moving train and get up and be OK – 0%

That just like in the movies you can do it from a moving car – 0%

That just like in the movies you can hold your breath underwater for a minute and a half – 0%

That when you see any of these things in the movies you will think, “I could do that if I had to” –  Men -88%, Women - .03%

CHANCES:

That at some point during the day you can’t find your cellphone – 29%


That you try calling it from the land line to locate it by the ring – 88%


That the ringer on your phone is off and you don’t hear it – 41%


That later you can’t find the portable phone you used to try calling your cell and would call that if only you could find your cell – 27%

CHANCES:

That of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she’d walk into mine – 4%

If she’s an alcoholic who loves gin – 11%

That I’d own a gin joint - .0003%

CHANCES:

That you’ll absentmindedly put your groceries in someone else’s cart -8%


That you won’t realize it until check out – 4%


That the person whose cart you took is wandering the store thinking they have lost their mind -39%


That they’ve issued an APB for a stolen cart and you’ll have a SWAT team on you at check out - 18%