Been away for a week or so. Did you miss me? Or thankful for the lack of notifications? Here's one I missed the chance on earlier but with another primary today, I'll list it.

CHANCES:

That you can fool all of the people some of the time – 95%

That you can fool some of the people all of the time – 95%

That the second group lives predominantly in S. Carolina – 40%

CHANCES:

That you’ll be solicited by nieces, nephews and neighbors for various school, after-school or sports team endeavors to buy:

Magazines you don’t need – 21%

Candy or baked goods you don’t want – 31%

Gift wrap you can’t use – 19%

Coupon booklets to places you’ll never go – 28%

Illicit drugs or gambling – 1%

CHANCES:

That a player on any major league baseball team is using a false name – 39%

That he mostly uses it when checking into a hotel – 91%

That he uses it when getting a passport - .2%

That Sidd Finch is sitting in a Dominican jail – .002%

CHANCES:

That you know the latest iteration of the African American handshake, if you are:

White – 1.4%

Black – 27%

Play hockey – 0%

CHANCES:

That you’ll be next in line when they do a shift change – 71%

CHANCES:

That on any given afternoon you’ll need a nap:

Age   0 – 4  - 86%        (That you’ll take one – 46%)

Age   5 – 12  - 21%     (That you’ll take one – 18%)

Age  13 – 42 -  8%      (Never get a chance to take one)

Age 43 – 67  - 21%     (That you’ll take one – 18%)

Age 68 - 99 – 86%      (That you’ll take one – 99%)

CHANCES:

That you’ll try to open someone else’s car in the parking lot, thinking it was yours – 9%

If you own a Prius – 49%

CHANCES:

That you took out the garbage even though it was a holiday – 18%

That as you took it out you noticed that only one other person had their garbage out – 50%

That it still didn’t register – 28%

That you pulled your garbage back in this morning so people don’t realize what an idiot you are – 9%

That you pulled it back in so people wouldn’t think you’re from Arizona and are protesting MLK day – 84%

CHANCES:

That you both liked the movie – 6%

That neither of you liked the movie – 6%

That you liked it, he didn’t – 44%

The he liked it, you didn’t – 44%

That you’ll spend much of the rest of the evening wondering why you are together  – 88%

CHANCES:

That your porridge is too cold – 33%

That your chair is too big -33%

That your bed is too hard -33%

That if all these are true, you should get out of the house before you are mauled to death by bears – 100%

CHANCES:

That your desk will be cleared by the end of the day – 4%

That you desk will have more clutter on it at the end of the day then it does now – 39%

That you’re not quite sure where your desk is – 7%

CHANCES:

That you rinse and repeat -12%

That you rinse without repeating, knowing that it’s just a scam by the shampoo makers to get you to use more shampoo -  77%

That sometimes, with all the stuff you have to do in the shower, you forget whether you’ve shampooed or not and might be unintentionally repeating – 11%

CHANCES:

That you’re getting your daily recommended dose of magnesium – 22%

That you’re getting your daily recommended dose of sulfur - 19%

That if you are getting your daily recommended dose of those elements you work in a mine – 63%

CHANCES:

That the dental hygienist will talk to you while your mouth is full of equipment – 94%

That you’ll try to respond – 94%

That this little joke is what gets hygienists through their day – 94%

CHANCES:

That you’ll find your name on the display of keychains or replica license plates or other trinket in the museum gift shop if your name is:

Brittany- 83%

Amy – 39%

Svetlana – 1%

Amber – 89%

Burnt Umber - .003%

Michael – 86%

Vayshon – 1%

Adlai - .003%

Tony – 92%

Fat Tony – 0%

CHANCES:

That your mind is playing tricks on you – 40%

That it’s a card trick and you think you’ve got it figured out – 39%

CHANCES:

That you’re dressed for success – 20%

That you’re overdressed for success – 3%

That you’re underdressed for success – 8%

That you’re dressed for disappointment – 13%

That you’re overdressed for disappointment – 56%

CHANCES:

That you had a relaxing vacation, but are glad to be back – 6%

That you had a relaxing vacation and wish you didn’t have to be back -12%

That you had a frazzled vacation and are glad to be back -14%

That you never left -28%

That you’d prefer it if the holidays didn’t include all those holidays – 62%